What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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