did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
