he was CRYING into my vagina
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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