im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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