this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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