Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize