You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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