I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
