This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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