just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
