I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
