I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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