so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
