It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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