how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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