Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
