rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
