I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
