I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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