No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
