too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
