conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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