I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
