I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
