I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
