You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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