I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
