if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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