Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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