Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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