You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
