a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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