they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
