i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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