i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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