If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
