i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
