So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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