is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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