I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize