grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
