Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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