1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
