This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize