i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
