so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
