With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
