i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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