Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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