I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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