Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
