he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
