Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
