she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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