also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
