If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
