Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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