i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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