i was born a porn star she said
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
