dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
