I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
