Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
