Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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