Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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