he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This baby is an asshole
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
