WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
