i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
