Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
