I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
