Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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