this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
