I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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