Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
and she was petting her beer can
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
