I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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