I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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